Dear B&C: I’m struggling to find the “joy” again … I just haven’t found my purpose or niche in life. I feel stuck in life and I don’t know what to do.
I love my husband, my music, but finances are such a struggle it weighs heavily. Always trying to read and nurture through self-help stuff but never seem to be able to “commit” to fixing or going the full mile. I don’t know why I’m so stuck and afraid to venture forth to complete anything … the confidence in myself is certainly a stumbling block … I’m a ‘fixer’ and when I can’t fix something/someone (I know we can ONLY fix ourselves) the frustration mounts because I feel SO STUCK, like being in quicksand. Any advice you can offer? ~P.
B&C Answer to “I Feel Stuck in Life”
Dear P: I’m touched by your comments, as I know many people who read them will be because they see themselves in similar situations. Sometimes just knowing others are out there and feeling our pain helps us feel less alone. There are no easy one-size-fits-all answers to what to do when you feel stuck in life, but I do have a few suggestions that you might try. Here goes …
What your “logical mind” is begging you for right now are solutions … answers … concrete ways to deal with your financial struggles and lack of clarity about purpose … a step-by-step way to take control and fix it all. That’s what we “fixers” (aka control junkies) like to do. Fix things … control things … in fact … control nearly everything. That’s a heavy load to put on yourself, and when you do this, there’s no way your logical mind can give you the peace and assurance you truly need.
When we “fixers” can’t fix things, we get worried … scared … and sometimes we even turn on ourselves thinking there’s something wrong with us. Confidence plummets. Though I don’t know you, from what you’ve told me here I suggest that the answers you seek won’t be found in your mind. You need to go deeper … deeper into self-love … deeper into connecting with your spiritually intelligent core that resides within you.
When You Think “I Feel Stuck in Life,” Here’s the First Thing You Need to Do …
My advice: give yourself a break and breathe. Sit in a quiet place where you feel safe, comfortable, and inspired. It could be a favorite chair in your home… a park bench … or wherever. Your only task for the moment is to breathe, so just focus on your breath and experience it fully.
Don’t confuse “just breathing” with doing nothing; allowing yourself good, quality breathing time can be a life-changer. Answers appear when we’re calm enough to receive them, not when we’re fighting a raging battle in our minds.
Next, as you calm your mind and listen to your steady breath, begin to allow yourself to bask in the miracle of now and to dwell in gratitude. Let your entire body be transformed by the deep appreciation for your life’s blessings.
Once you’re “feeling” gratitude throughout your body, here’s the next step: Take in a three or four slow deep breaths. When you feel calm, ask your soul “Soul, what are you trying to tell me that I’ve been too busy to hear? What’s the most important thing that I need to know right now?” Then listen patiently and quietly for the answer. Feel free to keep asking your soul any question that comes to mind … then wait patiently and quietly for the answer.
Am I sounding a little crazy and “whoo whoo?” Well, I know this could sound that way, but I am advising this because your head is spinning right now and because of that you can’t hear the higher wisdom within. Your fear is trying to tell you something, but it’s all coming at you so fast and furiously that you can’t understand what to make of it, which leaves you frustrated and more fearful. It’s a trap and the only way to get out is to literally “get out of your mind and into your spiritual center” is often considered the most important journey we’ll ever make.
By the way, I can REALLY relate to you when you talk about money fears … that’s a hot button for me, too. Not having enough money to pay bills or constantly living in lack is one of the most miserable states we can live in. The fear that stems from the pressure of financial problems can drown out our internal wisdom if we allow it, that’s why you need plenty of time in calm and quiet.
Getting Unstuck in Life Begins with Thoughts Then Positive Actions
Getting “unstuck” seldom happens all at once. You have thought patterns and behaviors that you’ve had a long time … so you must be kind and supportive as you learn to go a new way.
You’ve mentioned you’ve bought a lot of self-help books, but don’t commit to making positive changes in your live. Again, many people can relate to that … so don’t be hard on yourself for it.
Sometimes the books can be so overwhelming with so many ideas. I’ve found the big two are “love yourself” and “listen to the wisdom within.”
Additional Reading: Self-Love Lessons: 7 Steps to a More Loving Relationship with Yourself
I’ve also found that practicing affirmations frequently does wonders for changing my internal dialogue. My favorite affirmation is one from Louise Hay: “ All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation, only good will come. I am safe.”
Whenever I am facing large issues in my life, I repeat this affirmation over and over … sometimes hundreds of times in a day (I have it posted on my fridge and on a mirror in my bedroom). It’s worked miracles in my life — you might give it a try.
Getting Unstuck in Life Begins with Thoughts Then Positive Actions
Once you start getting your head in a more peaceful, loving place, you then need to start doing things that take you outside your comfort zone. Frankly, it doesn’t matter what you do … action is what’s key here. Take on a new hobby, replace an hour of tv-watching with reading, take more walks, sign up for a class.
Movement will help you get unstuck. When you start taking deliberate steps to change-up your life, your life changes.
Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself!
Last, but certainly not least, when you feel stuck in life, you need to give yourself a break. Life is a journey and as with all journeys, you will come to crossroads now and again. Knowing which direction to turn isn’t always obvious. But, when you’re kind and loving towards yourself, and you listen for inner wisdom to guide you — and you’re willing to step outside your comfort zone — you will find your way. And, whichever way you turn, it will be the right way for you on this next step of your journey. Trust in yourself; trust in the timing of your life.
Wishing much peace, love, joy, and abundance on your journey, J. Marie Novak, Founder of BelieveAndCreate.com