What Overthinking Looks Like

Some people struggle with what overthinking truly looks like. They wonder are they just being thorough or are they going too far?

Have you ever been told, “you’re overthinking this”?  Or have you ever felt certain you were overthinking something but didn’t know what else to do? When you wonder whether you’re overthinking something, you probably are.

Life doesn’t always make sense.  It just doesn’t.  And frankly, sometimes it doesn’t make sense to such a ridiculous degree that my entire body yearns to scream “C’mon already – this is ridiculous!”  So I go into overthinking mode.  I decide if I can just figure out why my world isn’t working the way I think it should, then I’ll finally have peace and happiness.

Could You Be an Overthinking Addict?

Hey, I’m a realist.  Maybe I haven’t traveled far enough down this road to be anywhere close to true enlightenment just yet, but any good highway system would have included a comfortable rest stop or two for us weary travelers somewhere along the way.   Frankly, today I’m feeling like this road just bites.

Am I overthinking this life thing?  That sounds like me. I guess I have gleaned one ounce of self-knowledge along the way:  I overthink things.

Oh man, that’s not even the half of it, though. I not only overthink things:  I secretly foster the belief that I’m in control and I get downright cranky when the world proves otherwise to me.

Then a massive tree falls in my yard.  The dishwasher breaks.  The medical center screws up my bill for the umpteenth time.  he pain in my foot returns with a vengeance.  Yes, I know these are all merely annoyances, things you’ve got to deal with but not so big that they should send you over the edge.  In fact,  I realize I should stop my whining already – I have a yard, I have a house, I have access to health care, and I have a foot that works.

Dang it.  Now I feel guilty because, despite all my blessings, I’m staring at a void that’s leaving me dazed and confused and feeling totally lost.  I’m ruminating on the big questions that cut to the core and they’ve ganged up to demand my full attention right here, right now:

  • What am I supposed to be doing with my life?
  • Why does everything seem so unbearably difficult?
  • Why do I feel so alone all the time?
  • Why am I not experiencing the peace and joy and wonder that everyone talks about?
  • What is this whole freakin’  being on this planet thing even about?

Am I alone in this?  Am I the only one who loses her sense of direction more often than I think I should?  So what is the answer to feeling dazed and confused and totally lost … and stuck in a cycle of overthinking that robs me of peace and happiness?

The Cure for Overthinking That Is Guaranteed to Work

I realize that you’ve taken the time to read this and so the proper thing for me to do here is to provide some answers.   I’m sweating this a little right now because  I’m not sure how you’re going to take the advice I intend to dish out.   On the surface, it may seem trivial and it certainly won’t come across as guru-like as you might prefer.  But here’s the answer that comes to me today:


Yup.  That’s it.  Chill out … the same advice one would give a teen who was freaking out over the mall being sold out of the “right” style of Topsiders.

Chill out.

When life isn’t making sense,  you know what that’s called?  Life.  That’s how it works.  You have control over your responses to it and over the choices you make, but you don’t have control over all the hills and valleys and detours along the way, so stop acting like you do.

Overthinking is not my friend and it’s not your friend either.  It’s time to get out of your head …  take a few deep breaths  … and for goodness sake, stop paying attention to the internal voices that demand that you have all the answers to everything right here and now.  That’s your ego yammering on and on and it really has no idea what it’s talking about.  You’ll never have all the answers and you don’t need to.  Never, ever, ever.

This episode of being dazed and confused and totally lost that you’re going through right now will come to an end.  Your soul’s compass will guide you if you’ll just let it.  It can’t do that if you won’t give it space to do its work.  The point of life isn’t to think your way through it, it’s to love yourself through it … and love the others around you through it.

When you’re overwhelmed, then do whatever it takes to create your own dang rest stop and invite others into it.  Have a little fun.  Let your hair down.  Laugh more.  You know, just chill out.  Then before you know it, answers to the real questions you actually need answers to show up … all at the perfect time. 

Wishing much peace, love, joy, and abundance on your journey,  J. Marie Novak, Founder, Believe and Create



Discussion questions — What situations or circumstances in your life leave you feeling dazed, confused, and totally lost?  How have you emerged successfully from these times in your life?  What are the best ways you’ve found for “chilling out?”     Leave your ideas and thoughts in the ”SPEAK YOUR MIND” section below.  

13 thoughts on “What Overthinking Looks Like”

  1. I am an over-thinker, and I think as I get older I start thinking what am I going to do when I turn 70, I worry for the simplest things lately. I am an active person, I do Zumba, I walk. I am also just getting over a category 5 hurricane Maria, and then a break-in at my home so I am feeling so vulnerable and overwhelmed.

    • Hello Eleanor, I discovered some little earphone things and after a hard day- which is every day – with my v disabled and angry spouse, i plug them into my laptop and play all the songs i loved in the 80s and 90s. I sing so loud and rock my head that the next day my neck muscles are sore. But the escapism and nostalgia is a temporary high. best wishes to you. 🙂

  2. Abosoultey, it really is just that simple. After dealing with a devastating situation in my marriage infidelity I dealt with all the pain and hurt I could see no light at the end of tunnel so I seek professional help read book talk did it all of course the situation brought me closer to GOD also the reason why I came upon this article I can himself agree after going through all of that at the end of the I just needed to CHILL OUT!!!!!!

  3. Thanks for the timely reminder. Even life changes…for the good…can create an opportunity for overthinking what’s next. We must accept and embrace “the shift” and work to stay in the moment. We continue to be a “work in progress” and it ain’t over, till it’s over. Thanks for all the support and believing and creating so the rest us don’t feel so alone. ❤️

  4. As I get closer to the big 50 I am finding less and less joy in my life. I am in a relationship which is sucking the life out of me. As I try to figure out next steps (insert over thinking, over analyzing) I drown myself in my lack of self-worth and self-love for putting myself in this place. I am practicing chilling out, but my mind does not obey my command. Taking time for deep breathing is so useful.

    I truly appreciate your blog and it is reassuring to know I do not suffer alone.

    • Dee — thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. I think as many of us face our second acts in life, we start questioning what we want and start seeking ways to find more fulfillment and meaning in our lives. Wayne Dyer called it “The Shift.” This is a time to bathe yourself in uplifting messages that will help you change that inner dialogue that questions your worth. This is a time to make self-love a priority, as it will seep out into every area of your life in a very good way. I highly recommend reading the book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depended on It by Kamal Ravikant. It’s a fast read (a couple hours max) and the book itself is very affordable (less than five bucks on Amazon).

      I’m happy to hear you’re practicing “chilling out” … and don’t worry that the mind does not always obey. We’ve had many years on the earth practicing the uptight, demeaning self-talk … it takes time and practice to adopt a new way of thinking and being. Deep breathing is such a great start.

      Wishing you the positive transformations that you seek, – J. Marie

      • J.Marie thankyou so much for everything you do..my overthinking is insane- esp in the early hours of the morning- my body is so tired but i can’t shut my stupid repetitive thoughts up. its like Ground hog day in my brain.
        Thankyou for the book reference,
        best wishes to you – from Mary, NZ

  5. I too always feel dazed and confused. I understand this message loud and clear. I am trying this. I am going chill out by letting my hair down and dancing… I’ll let you know how it goes.

  6. Uh! I am totally lost.. I always feel dizzy even if I shouldn’t be. I am restless. I used to be so happy and positive now I seemed to be numb and completely worthless.

    • Marj — While I can’t diagnose what’s going on for your or give you a magic pill or thought that will bring relief, I can certainly empathize with the feeling of being lost and restless, and wrestling with feelings of numbness and worthlessness. I’ve been there, and please know, it will get better. My suggestion: go get Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life book (and if you go to hayhouse.com to buy it — you can get the video, too, which I love! — and no — I’m not paid to recommend this, it was just one of the most important thing I did to get out of my funk years ago.) Remember — when you’re lost, you may be trying to take on too much all at once. Slow down. Breathe. Spend some time in nature. Spend some time in quiet meditation. Give your chattering monkey mind a chance to turn off, and allow your winner wisdom to nurture you and guide you. If you need help, whether it be spiritual or a counselor of any kind, go get it! this is your life and you’re WORTH it. We all need help from time to time. My prayers for love and light are with you. May you find the peace and guidance you so deeply crave. ~ J. Marie

  7. Julie — thanks for taking the time to leave this supportive note. It’s nice to know we’re not alone — most of us overthink things and get overwhelmed. I think your solutions are awesome. What a great way to make the transition from stressed to blessed. Wishing you peace and many blessings! – J. Marie


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