Have you ever thought to yourself, “My life is an absolute mess … and I have no idea how to fix it”?
Life gets messy sometimes. Sometimes, life feels like such a mess that we don’t think we can’t handle it. And, we might not even understand what’s wrong or how life got this messy. Does this resonate with you?
Perhaps you’re encountering a virtual stew of problems, that may include financial struggles, relationship problems, career confusion, health and wellness issues, or a general lack of clarity about the direction and purpose of your life (and that’s just for starters, right?). Perhaps you’re reeling from one massive mess-up and you don’t even know where to begin to bounce back from it.
The point is, your life feels way more painful than you can take right now and you’re clueless what to do about it. You need help. You need relief. You need hope that you can recover, but you can’t see even a glimmer of hope right now.
You think your life is a complete mess right now, but that’s not even the worst of it …
You can’t even put your finger on all that seems amiss, yet you know your life is off-track and you feel perpetually haunted by your inability to set things right. You who are usually good at solving problems have no idea where to begin to untangle this mess that is your life.
What your “logical mind” is begging you for right now are solutions … answers … concrete ways to deal with your issues. And, I get it – the issues can appear to be monsters. When you’re not feeling financially secure or getting the love you want in your life or finding the meaning and purpose you’re dreaming of, it feels pretty crappy. When you’re overwhelmed by mistakes you made or by mounting problems that keep coming out of the blue, you just want to know what steps you can take right now to make the pain stop.
It’s funny in a way that we approach solving our biggest challenges in life with the same thinking patterns that we use to complete a crossword puzzle. No surprise, it doesn’t work! We “fixers” (aka control junkies) don’t like that. We want to control the world around us. We take pride in our ability to fix things … control things … in fact … control nearly everything. But that’s a heavy load to put on yourself and there are times when it’s simply impossible for your logical mind to give you the peace and assurance you need.
When life feels like a mess, I can’t emphasize this enough …
When we “fixers” can’t fix things, we get worried … scared … and sometimes we even turn on ourselves thinking there’s something wrong with us. Confidence plummets.
What you may need to consider though is that the answers you seek to the seemingly gargantuan web of challenges you face won’t be found in your mind. You need to go deeper … deeper into self-love … deeper into connecting with your intelligent core that resides within you.
So here’s my advice if you think your life is a complete mess right now: give yourself a break and breathe. Sit in a quiet place where you feel safe, comfortable and inspired. This could be a favorite chair in your home… a park bench … or wherever.
Your only task for the moment is to breathe, so just focus on your breath and experience it fully. Don’t confuse “just breathing” with doing nothing … allowing yourself good, quality breathing time can be a life changer.
Next, as you calm your mind and listen to your steady breath, begin to allow yourself to bask in the miracle of now and to dwell in gratitude. Let your entire body be transformed by the deep appreciation for your life’s blessings. Allowing yourself to feel extreme gratitude will return you to a state that’s open to receiving new ideas and solutions.
Once you’re “feeling” gratitude throughout your body, here’s the next step: Take in three or four slow deep breaths. When you feel calm, seek the wisdom within your soul by asking: What are you trying to tell me that I’ve been too busy to hear? What’s the most important thing that I need to know right now?” Then listen patiently and quietly for the answer.
Am I sounding a little crazy? You came here for advice on fixing your messed up life. Is what I’m offering here even close to enough?
Well, I know this could sound crazy, but I am advising this because your head is spinning right now and because of that you can’t hear the wisdom within.
You’re so focused on the fact that you think your life is messed up, that you can’t focus on anything else.
Your fear is trying to tell you something, but it’s all coming at you so fast and furiously that you can’t understand what to make of it, which leaves you frustrated and more fearful. It’s a trap and the only way to get out is to get out of your mind so you can hear the Divine wisdom of your soul.
Getting “untangled” from a life that seems to be a mess seldom happens all at once. You have thinking patterns and behaviors that you’ve practiced a long time … so you must be kind and supportive as you learn to go a new way. Just remember to love yourself along the way and always create time and space to listen to the wisdom within.
I’ve also found that practicing affirmations frequently does wonders for changing my internal dialogue. My favorite affirmation is one from Louise Hay: “ All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe.” Whenever there are issues in my life that I’m struggling with, I repeat this over and over … sometimes hundreds of times in a day (I have it posted on my fridge and on a mirror in my bedroom and keep a copy in my car and in my office, too!). It’s worked miracles in my life — you might give it a try.
That’s not all…
One last thought: if one of the issues you are struggling with is figuring out your life purpose, take heart. I think that there are so many gurus out there preaching about purpose that there’s now an epidemic of people obsessed with finding their “one great purpose” … which is leading to stress, frustration, and even depression. I will never claim to have all the answers, but this is what “purpose” looks like to me … and it’s multidimensional:
1) Our purpose in life is to love ourselves and to love others, we all share that purpose.
2) We have each been blessed with certain gifts and talents and those make us unique. When we find a way to use our gifts in service to others, then we are “on purpose” in our lives.
3) Our purpose may or may not have anything to do with what we do to make a living — but as we make a living, we can certainly practice #1 and #2.
4) Pay attention to the things that make you come alive … those times when hours pass and it seems like only moments. It’s when you’re in a state of “flow” that you are aligned with your purpose. Watch for those times in your life and find ways to get into that state more often.
5) I think there are those people who can say “my purpose is to do X,” but if you can’t say that right now, don’t sweat it so much. If you focus on #1 and #2, perhaps in time a more precise definition of your purpose will be revealed to you … but you won’t have to worry about what to call it, because by the time you can describe it you’ll find you’re living it.
Finally, regardless of what you’re going through, or how extreme your pain feels right now, your life is not now nor was it ever a mess … it’s your thinking that makes it feel that way. You’re on a path and everything you’re going through has purpose — it’s not happening “to” you, it’s happening FOR you. Pay attention and look for the lessons this time in your life is offering to you. Take this opportunity to GROW through it, not merely go through it. And, don’t forget to breathe!
Wishing much peace, love, joy, and abundance on your journey.
J. Marie Novak, Founder, Believe and Create
Would you like to share your story or contribute to this conversation? Please feel free to share in the comments section at the bottom of this page.