Are you tired of struggling?Recently someone wrote to me here at Believe and Create and told me she was tired: Tired of struggling. Tired of feeling miserable. Tired of conflict. Tired of not getting anywhere she wanted to go. Tired of feeling that her life was a mess. She was also tired of reading self-help and spiritual growth articles and books only to have the ideas they purport let her down again and again. She’d worked hard to change, but life was not getting any better. She felt dejected and demoralized and she didn’t know what to do. Have you ever felt that way: sick and tired and weighed down by troubles and challenges? Can you relate to being confused about how to make the lasting changes you want to make (e.g., surviving a job that’s making you miserable; losing weight once and for all; ending conflicts with family and coworkers; escaping financial woes; finding love in your life, etc.)?
When you’re tired of struggling …I get it. You’re tired of the struggle. You’re at a place that many people get to, and some get stuck in. I’ve been there. I wish there were a single, brilliant answer I could give you that would release you from the recurring pain you find yourself in. You’ve already tried “quick fixes” and you know they don’t work. I know how frustrating it can be when our personal growth efforts are sincere, and yet our progress appears to be nonexistent. Again, I’ve been there. It stinks. I don’t have magic answers for you. But, regardless of what’s causing you to feel trapped in struggle and disappointment, I know there are a couple of things you can start doing that will help ease your pain. Below are a few things that help me when I’m at my most miserable. They WON’T cure anything overnight, but when practiced over time, they’ve worked miracles for me.
1. Pursue a daily meditation practice.Seriously? Yes seriously! Now, this doesn’t have to be an elaborate practice. You don’t have to sit for hours in an uncomfortable position on a pillow or join an Ashram. It’s not a religious practice, it’s a spiritual and self-healing practice, and I’m suggesting it because I KNOW it works. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate thing … it doesn’t have to take hours. Just give yourself 20 minutes a day to sit still in a comfortable position and focus on your breathing. If anxious thoughts arise, don’t fight them, but don’t attach to them either. Just allow them to come and go like clouds come and go in the sky. I find listening to soft instrumental music helps me because when thoughts pop up (and they will … guaranteed they will), I turn my focus to the music. If you don’t have access to instrumental music, then just return your focus to your breathing. It is not possible to focus on two things at the same time … you cannot focus on music (or breathing) AND anxious thoughts. The power of meditation comes in doing it again and again. You may or may not feel calmer and more at peace after a single session or two (though you might … I often do). The real magic happens over time. When you start giving yourself time in peace and calm, your body starts to relax, and that sense of serenity enters into other aspects of your life. Commit to 30 days of meditation and see if it doesn’t make a difference in your life. It will if you give it a chance. If you feel you need help with beginning a meditation practice or prefer to do guided meditations (which are typically focused on specific issues you’re going through), here are a few CDs/Audio downloads I suggest:
Adyashanti True Meditation
The Grief Process: Meditations for Healing
The Return Home: Essential Meditation Training for a Vital, Centered Life
Jack Kornfield’s Guided Meditations for Difficult Times (my personal favorite)
2. Get yourself a mantra and recite it thousands of times. (Not kidding.)Every significant change you want to make in your life begins by changing the vibration of your thinking. If you want to be happier, you need to focus on thoughts that lift you up. If you want to be more confident, you have to speak to yourself as if you are already strong and confident. And, if you want to experience more love in your life, you need to keep loving thoughts in your heart and mind every day. If you’re struggling right now, then chances are you’re stuck in “stinkin’ thinkin’.” If you want to get beyond the point where you’re struggling every day, then you have to work on shifting your mindset. One way of doing this is by adopting a mantra — a simple, positive and uplifting statement that speaks to what you want to create and experience in your life. Examples of mantras:
“I release anxious thoughts.”
“My life is getting easier.”
“I am strong and at peace. My life is good.”
“I am happy and content.”
“I am healthy and fit and I enjoy eating healthy food.”
“I am loving and lovable.”
(More mantra ideas)Come up with a mantra that makes you feel good. It must be positive, but it doesn’t have to be something you believe to be true at the moment, only something that you yearn to feel is true at the very depths of your soul. Repeat your mantra daily — hundreds of times daily. Repeat it day after day after day. Say it in your heart. Say it out loud. Write it over and over. Weave it into the fabric of your being. Repeat your mantra anytime anxious feelings arise. Repeat it when your mind is shifting to self-deprecating language. Repeat it when self-doubt and worry arise. Hang on to it like it’s your lifeline. Let it permeate your being so it can do the transformation work you crave. There’s a great book called Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, by Kamal Ravikant that features a mantra that can change your life. I recommend this book to EVERYONE (and, no I don’t even earn a commission for doing so). Also, it’s dirt-cheap … under $5, so you have no excuses! It’s short so you can read it in a couple of hours. Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It is the story of how Kamal changed his entire life just by repeating the mantra “I love myself” over and over. I can’t recommend that book more highly for anyone who finds themselves in a state of constant struggle. Just reading it will help you feel better immediately. When I’m going through rough patches, I take time out to read this book. I’ve probably read it 50 times, I almost know it by heart. I also downloaded it on Audible, so I have an audio version, too. The lessons are simple, but they resonate with me, and maybe they’ll resonate with you, too. .
3. Walk in nature for a minimum of 15 minutes every single day.Thirty minutes is better. Seriously — I probably should have made this #1 on the list because it is so VERY important. Nature offers curative powers that you won’t find anywhere else. I recommend walking at a moderate pace and practicing mindfulness the entire time. Stay present to the beauty of the sky. Notice the blooms on the flowers. Watch the dance of the swaying branches in the trees. Listen to the birds’ chirp. Stay present to the world around you and soak it in. It’s there for your joy and your healing. It’s the best medicine there is.
4. Accept that life’s not easy, but also realize that you are strong and can handle whatever comes your way.Spiritual and personal growth gurus sometimes teach that life can be easy. That’s not the life that most of us experience. It takes trial and error to find out what works for us, and some situations are just tougher and rougher than others, and the “fix” that helps in one situation may let you down in the next. Life is more like a roller coaster: lots of ups and downs, jarring twists, and scary turns. It can be exhilarating and fun, but it can also be bumpy and frightening. Struggling is inherent in the journey of life, yet anytime it becomes a constant state within the journey, it’s time to make a change. The most important thing is to be kind and caring with yourself along the way. Your heart is calling for you to be gentler with yourself and the world around you because struggling is breaking you down. You deserve better. We all do. When you’re feeling miserable and stuck and frustrated, the most important thing you need to do is this: love yourself more. To escape the prison that you feel you’re in, you must give yourself ample doses of kindness, compassion, and love. Instead of fighting, begin building … building the new self-nurturing habits that will keep you lifted up. Be willing to let go of what you can let go of, and follow the Beatles’ advice “let it be” for things beyond your control. Also, make a decision to walk away from that which no longer serves any purpose in your life. This all takes bravery on your part, but you are stronger than you realize. Again, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for what you’re going through. There’s no overnight fix, but I hope you find some solace in the suggestions I’ve made here.
Sending you my prayers for love and lightness for you … that you might quickly find a path out of this painful part of your life. – J. Marie Novak, Founder of Believe and Create
24 thoughts on “When You’re Tired of Struggling, Here’s the First Step You Need to Take”
I’m tired nothing is going the way it should go I feel like I’m cursed and don’t know how much longer I can do this
Ruby – You CAN do this … you can go on … it can get better.
I’m not sure what’s brought you to the point where you believe you’re cursed, but I can tell that everyone goes through rough patches. Everyone. And some of those patches of struggle are so rough it seems hopeless, but that’s just an illusion; it’s never hopeless. I don’t know how bad it is for you, or what’s going on, and I can only advise you that if it’s as tough as your note indicates, I urge you to reach out to get professional help — from a spiritual director or a health care professional. I’m simply not qualified to help in that capacity.
All I can offer you is my prayers and my encouragement that there is a way out of your present struggles. Keep the faith that there is a way for you to return to better times.
Let that blind faith carry you for now. You cannot walk by sight right now, because you don’t see the way. Just be willing to believe you will turn a corner … there will be sunshine in your life again.
I can only give you advice from my own meager experience walking this planet and going through some horribly dark times myself. Here’s what I’ve learned:
When you focus only on what’s wrong with your life, you can never bring about anything positive. Change your focus … change your thoughts … and you can change your life.
Action is required, too. Get out of your head and into your body. Move a bit more. Do chores around the house you’ve been putting off. Go help someone else … in whatever capacity you can. Showing kindness to others always brings joy to your life; always!
Though your whole body and mind may want to give up, your spirit is saying seek answers. How do I know? Because you found this page … you were looking for answers. Keep seeking. Keep feeding your mind with positive thoughts. Read uplifting blog posts and watch youtube videos that talk about getting out of your struggle. Keep being grateful for what you have in your life to be grateful for … there’s a lot more there than what you’re looking at right now.
My whole heart goes out to you … to hear such desperation from anyone cuts to one’s very core. Take care of yourself … and don’t forget to reach out to qualified spiritual leaders (maybe in your church if you have one) or medical professionals (your primary care physician can give you a referral to someone who can help). If your circumstances ever get dire, the Suicide Prevention hotline is #1-800-273-8255 … use it if you need to. There are kind and trained people there who are ready and willing to listen.
I hear your pain; I pray for healing and love and joy to return to you soon.
With much love,
I have lost my dad mom and my sister. I do have a 18 hr old son i dont sre much. I miss him i miss my family. Im so depressed now i dont want to leave my house. I wonder everyday why im here. I dont want to talk to people see people. I struggle with life. It seems harder everyday. I have alot health issues. I just feel so done. I could use some advice.
Regina – My heart goes out to you. It sure seems that you’ve experienced more than your fair share of grief and loss and I know you’re struggling a lot right now. I hope you’ve given yourself some time to grieve.
I’ve lost both my parents (I’d lost them both by the time I was 34). The last thing I want to do is compare our situations because everyone is unique. Still, I can only offer what happened to me: I lost my dad when I was 29 and my mom at 34. When my mom died, I thought my world would never be okay again. It took a full year of going through the grieving process to be even close to normal again (which, of course, doesn’t happen … there’s always a hole in your heart when you lose a loved one, so the best you can do is work to create a new normal, which won’t be the same but can still be good).
If your grief continues to be intense, it may be time to reach out to a grief support group.
Your son is 18, and that’s the time when they don’t stick around much anymore. As a parent, it was your job to get them to a place of independence, but the letting go process is not easy. Cut yourself some slack; allow yourself to grieve his absences, too. But, in the meantime, find ways to add bits of new joys to your life.
Also, I’m not a medical professional so I can’t and won’t give medical advice. It seems to me that your pain as you’ve described it is intense and you probably need some help dealing with it. You’re not alone; many of us get to this place in our lives (myself included). If you’re moved by spiritual direction, then set a meeting with a spiritual leader you trust and discuss what’s happening to you. If you prefer talking to a medical professional, as your primary care provider for a referral. Getting ongoing support for your grief and depression is one of the best steps you can take. You may not feel like doing this (in fact you may resist the idea entirely), but if you want to see sunshine in your days again, getting help is the best way to get you the self-care you need right now.
Remember, there is still a lot of joy and blessings in your life to be grateful for, you’re just not seeing them right now because you’re focusing on what you lack rather than what you have. Raise the your focus to happier and more positive things in your life, and your mood will follow. If you stare at mud all day, all you’ll think about is mud. If you stare at a beautiful blue sky all day, you’ll think about beautiful things. Where you put your focus is where your life will trend. Focus on loss and you’ll feel blue; focus on the beauty that remains and on creating more beauty and joy in your life, and you’ll be uplifted. You may very well need help to switch your focus, which is why I strongly advise getting help.
You also don’t feel like doing anything self-loving or positive for yourself right now, so you don’t. I completely understand the urge to do nothing; that’s natural. Here’s the truth that you may not want to hear, though: you’ll must take positive action even if you don’t feel like it. When you take a step forward even if that step is ridiculously hard, the next step gets a little easier, and then the next step after that gets even easier. Positive action must precede feeling positive. That’s just a fact.
Finally, getting your focus off your own woes and doing something kind for others is a sure way to lift your own spirits. Send a card or a note to a friend you don’t see much. Offer to volunteer somewhere where your health issues won’t be a problem. Bake some banana bread for a shut-in. Visit a nursing home and read to someone who can’t see to read. (for more ideas — google thoughts!).
Just that fact that you visited this page today and read this posts shows me that you want your life to change. You want to believe in can, even if your faith is waning. I want you to know your life can be meaningful and fulfilling again. You can’t experience it the way you used to when your parents were alive and your child was at home, and you may not have the physical strength that you once had, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still plenty of life for you to live and enjoy. You’re here on this planet for a reasons. Keep reading positive thoughts … keep looking at the blue sky … keep practicing gratitude for ALL the good things in your life (past and present), and you’ll turn a corner.
Sending all my love to you as you walk along this rocky road, with my heartfelt wishes that the road will smooth for you soon and you’ll see blue skies in every aspect of your life again,
I was feeling fed up and tired of my life…I got up this morning and googled those exact words and I saw this page come up and decided to read it. After reading the comments from all those people who are going thru so much I actually started crying. My problems seem ridiculous in comparison esp that lady who lost everyone in so little time.
I lost my dad and my mom is sick. She needs to go to the doctor. I don’t have a car anymore…no money…the Bill’s piling up. I have to take care of her. My kids need help. I still have one in primary school and one in high school. I work but when I get paid everything goes to debts that I’ve had from when I made a lot of bad decisions in my life that I can’t seem to get rid of. I cant take anymore loans. I have been using loans to cover current Bill’s and expenses. And they just keep growing.
I am separated and living with a friend who is almost in the same position as me. We share house expenses to try reduce the stress but now we need to find somewhere else to live so our kids can be able to at least visit us. Things are getting so hard it’s even a struggle to pay rent.
My job is another problem …I love what I do but the people i work with makes the job harder and more stressful. I want to leave and find something else but I cant because I need to get paid. I cant end up unemployed in this situation
Sometimes I feel like I’m being stretched in so many directions I just want to lay down close my eyes and don’t get back up. But I have to keep fighting. If for nothing else..for my kids. I need them to have a chance at life.
I know there are so many people out there in the world that are worse off than I am. I keep praying that the world will change and everyone can at least have the bare minimum of food and shelter but sometimes my faith is weak and I lose hope that things will ever change.
Please forgive me for this long comment…but in writing this I found I received a little strength to not give up…to keep trying..to press on, believe and have faith that things will be better soon.
Althea – thank you for sharing your story here. And, thank you for taking the time to read through the comments – it’s a great way to get some perspective that 1) you’re not alone and 2) that others have issues that are even tougher than you’re facing, which is not to slight the difficulties you’re up against. I know this is a low time in your life and I pray that relief will enter into your life very, very soon.
The burdens in life often seem like more than we can handle, but you certainly have the right attitude: despite all that’s going on (and in your situation, it’s A LOT!), the best that you or anyone can do is have faith … remember what you DO have in your life (your family … a job you like, despite challenging coworkers … food and shelter every day …. and the ability to get up every day and choose your attitude. Choosing faith and sharing your love with others is the path to better times ahead. We all sometimes forget that just because you can’t see improvement down the road doesn’t mean it’s not there waiting for you. Gratitude for what you do have will in time bring more to be grateful for. Keep the faith. Sending love and prayers your way. – J. Marie
Honestly i’d rather just kill myself, it’s a lot easier than suffering for so long, dont know why i should hate myself so much to continue going on when the ONLY thing i want is REST.
Benny — I feel that way sometimes; I’m not exaggerating. REST is all I want, too. Life can be freaking hard and it’s much harder when we’re stuck in the thought patterns and beliefs that continue to weight us down. Yet, I have a question to ask you: Why did you even read this article? And, then why did you take the time to comment? It’s because while you’re at your lowest, you’re looking for solutions BEYOND killing yourself. That’s hope and that’s a GOOD thing!
You want to believe life can be worth living. You’re at an extremely low point and no blog or short article is going to take away years of suffering, and as you put it, stop you from “hating yourself.” I urge you to get real counseling and support. You need it. You deserve the relief that you will not get if you don’t seek the help you need. The suicide prevention hotline in the U.S. is: 1-800-273-8255. If you’d rather do an online chat than a phone call, go to their website and use the chat function: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ I’ve done so more than once in my life. It helps to have a human being spend their time listening to you. It truly does.
One parting thought: just for today, try observing your negative thoughts and then just ask yourself “what if that isn’t true? what if I’ve got this all wrong?” Be willing to be wrong about the idea that it’s easier to kill yourself – because that is NEVER the solution. Be willing to let new more positive thoughts enter into your head. Be willing to look for things in your life to be grateful for. When you can change the inner script in your head, you can change the emotions you’re experiencing. Maybe things won’t change overnight, but your pain can be eased one sweet thought at a time. You’ll be in my prayers today.
Hi, I’m just tired of going through this pain emotionally, financially, and mentally. I lost my mom 3 years ago and my life taken a complete 180 ever since. We got evicted from our house to where we were homeless and now i made the decision to stay with a distant family member where I can barley feed myself and seek help because of my pride. I’ve tried mostly everything to help but no prevail. It has really put in a depression and im sick of tired of feeling this way. All I want to do is see a change. What do I need to do?
I’am just tired, I have s.a and I’am trying my best to overcome it.. I’am investigating every solution, every trick, tip to overcome it and I am gonna keep trying because I have to go to highscool even if is the most impossible shit ever because. I been already homeschooled last year and I will dissapoint my family if I get homeschooled again.
I’am just tooo tired to keep pushing through to make myself stronger
Life is to hard Sometimes man….
Byran – hang in there. Take it day by day … even moment by moment if you have to. Life can be incredibly hard, don’t make it harder by having a mindset that brings you farther down. Sending prayers for healing and blessings to you. – J. Marie
I’m tired of making bad decisions and being in need of love. I suffer from bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder and am very angry, confused, and beat down by it. I have so many regrets that I feel my life is a lost cause at times. I’m tired of being a burden on my family and just really worn down and hope there is a heaven because I’ve been praying hard for years but I don’t understand God and I don’t understand this world. I just want peace of mind and to be happy and to stop running away from everything and everyone. I feel like this is all my fault and I don’t want to fight it anymore. God bless you all.
Loved the article!
2017 started off ok! I’m a single mom who has been struggling for a very long time. I WAS working a job for almost four that I ended up hating because I just couldn’t progress. I felt stagnant. Then GOD blessed with another job that paid more and that ment the world to me because as a single mom we need all the money we can get. Then I was fired only after being there for a month. I WAS fired on my son’s birthday !.. that was the hardest day of my life. Trying to be happy for him but yet my world fell apart. I haven’t been unemployed in a while so this is new … I got unemployment but my payments was suspended for a job I took out desperation but lol it wasn’t nearly enough to live on . It was so low it wasn’t worth moving my car. I know GOD has me but I’m SCARED… bills are due it’s Xmas and I can’t buy my son nothing….im a huge failure… my dead beat das came to visit did ask how I was doing or give me money for my son…. NOPE!!!! Or even give any encouraging words … nope….im trying but nothing is working…. I don’t know what direction to go in… I feel depressed … lol I’m even crowing my emotions with food. I really don’t want to live anymore. The only reason I feel life is worth living is for my son… I would hate to abandon him and have him feel sad, lol I love my lil guy to pieces lol . I want to give him the world if I can. But right now his mom feels so low it being repair at this point . Unless I can’t find a job that can give us stability…by the way I’m a college grad with my degree in healthcare I’m not a bum but it hard to find a a job believe it or not. I think right now what I’m finding hard is how to move on after being fired for no reason. It’s been 2 months and I feel stuck. I didn’t do anything wrong. But it’s perfectly legal to fired people for no reason… I just don’t know ! I just need a break through.
Hi J. Marie. My name is Andriy. I would like to share my story and would be really happy if you replied, maybe you will have some ideas.
I dated and married a girl that i didnt love. For 3.5 years i was constantly doubting my feelings towards her, but couldnt make a decision to end the relationship. I thought to myself that maybe when we’ll get married things will change. It didnt, it even got worse. My constant thinking got so bad that i started feeling tension around my gut. I was in constant worry, struggle. This all might sound a bit stupid, but i lived in this negative state for a very long time. I cant explain why i didnt make a decision to break-up. I still didnt have the guts to tell her about, until one day she read a conversation where i wrote that i want to end our marriage. From than i thought that there, she knows already and i left.
It has been 6 months since i left. Everyday i feel this constant tension in my gut and jaw, especially when i am around people, sometimes its so tense that it is so hard… I explain it to myself, because i have been living in this resisting mindset for so long that is why i feel all of this… I try affirmations, visualization, meditation — it does help, but that state comes back all the time…
Please let me know what do you think about this case : )
I’m having a low day today.
I don’t mind admitting that this year has probably been one of the hardest I have ever encountered and sometimes I wonder how I am even still standing on this earth fighting.
2017 started with my ex-wife changing the contact arrangements with my two youngest children as this would increase her maintenance payments, whilst I had my two adopted teenage girls living with me full time.
My Mum’s Cancer was getting worse throughout this year and she eventually passed away in July at 63, she was my rock and go to, but unfortunately I haven’y been able to grieve her passing as I have also been forced to settle my divorce from my ex-wife at the time of her passing and funeral.
So on top of this the company I was working for went bust at the start of the year and I didn’t get paid for that period, I managed to get a job with a couple of weeks, but the financial impact is still very much around now. I struggle every month to make ends meet and try to live on £20-£30 a week for food (less than $40).
On top of this I was forced to send one of my teenage daughters to go and live with her adoptive mum as she got involved with a 21 yo man, who I and the police suggested she could have been in very real danger of CSE.
I try really hard to keep everything together, to keep getting up and going to work, but sometimes like today the realisation of how much pressure there is just gets a bit much. I know I just need to keep going and one day I hope to be on an even keel, where I don’t have to constantly worry about budgeting down to the last few pennies in my pocket, where I can actually think about saving for retirement.
I am also aware that really I have a lot to be thankful for, I have my health and some really wonderful people who support me.
Sorry this is all a bit of rambling mish mash of things, but there is so much going through my head all the time it’s difficult to get through it properly 🙁
I’m crying as I read your post … my heart goes out to you completely. You’re not just going through one Divine Storm; you’re going through multiple storms all at once. I’d be lying if I said I completely understood your pain; I can only imagine the intensity of the difficulty and the courage it takes to get up each day when your heart is broken from the loss of your dear mother; from the pain of the divorce and the ongoing complications from it; from the worry a father has for his children when they’re at risk; and finally, for the weight of the financial pressures as intense as the ones you’re facing.
I get the feeling that you know there’s really no advice I can offer that will make it all better, but what you really needed was just to share your story with another person, and sometimes it’s easier to share with a stranger. Know that even though I don’t know you, I see you. I hear you. I offer prayers and send love your way.
I can’t resist trying to share a few words of wisdom. If they resonate, embrace them. If they don’t, just remember that this is a season of your life, not your whole life. Every storm passes … that is the nature of storms.
When it all feels like too much, there are few things you can do. The first is reach out; it’s lovely that you’ve journaled this note here because we MUST not keep the pain inside. Sharing helps. You’ve mentioned you have some really wonderful people who support you, so lean on them … and don’t be afraid to ask for more help than usual as you actually give them a gift by doing so (as the honor of helping others is the #1 gift anyone of us can receive).
Take it a day at a time. Sometimes you’ll need to take it a second at a time. I know this seems trite, but looking too far forward can be too overwhelming. There is peace in the small moments of your life; don’t miss those moments of peace, as you need them more than ever.
In the 12-step movement, they have a saying: “Let Go and Let God.” When you find you’re at an impasse in any area, and the pressure is mounting, surrender the pain and worry to a higher power … whatever “Higher Power” means to you.
Finally, find time and ways to grieve for your dear mum. (I remember reading a short book — Embraced by the Light — that brought me a little peace. Though don’t misunderstand me, it just brought some moments of solace, the grief process is complicated.)
Every person mourns differently; allow your heart to guide you here. My mom died 23 years ago, and I still miss her so very much and get teary eyed when I see her photograph; those first few years after her passing were the most difficult, though. Time doesn’t heal all wounds; it just allows you to live with those wounds in greater peace.
Going forward if you just feel you need to talk, you can return here. I’m no expert … and I don’t claim to be one … but I care.
Sending prayers for peace, love, light, and more for you and your family. – J. Marie
Hi J. Marie,
I just wanted to thank you for your kind reply, it really helped me just get myself level again.
I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the kind words and I do come back to your message when things get tough. I am not there yet but as you say time allows us to live with the wounds in peace, I am taking my mothers attitude of not letting the events around us change who we are.
I keep getting up and keep pushing forward, I know I am stronger than before and I will keep walking with my head held high.
Melissa: Keep going. Your life matters.
Thankyou so much for this.i felt better just reading it. I have a profoundly disabled spouse- every day is a struggle and wondering why such hard things happen and watching their battle..over and over again. I feel very uncomfortable with the “i love myself” concept..i don’t and i don’t even like myself. Feel so guilty. Yet the world and nature is so beautiful..it does give peace. I just always feel like some drama will appear and just as it resolves and even before it does, another is already occuring. Maybe it is too much to expect more than a day of nothing bad happening!
Mary — I know you’ve written before and my heart continues to go out to you and your spouse. The burden you share is indeed great and I can fully understand how easy it would be to be demoralized.
Right now, instead of hoping for a day of nothing bad happening, let’s work on getting days where you have MANY moments of peace … where breathing is easier and life doesn’t seem so heavy.
More than anything else right now, you need to give yourself permission to feel at peace … even if you can only string a few moments of peace together throughout the day. There’s no point in feeling guilty; it doesn’t help you and it certainly doesn’t help your spouse. Choosing to feel guilt (and yes … it IS a choice you’ve made that has become a habit) is not helpful. There’s something inside you that believes it is wrong and possibly an act of betrayal to your spouse to have any lightness in your life when your spouse is hurting so much. Adding more pain to your life will never take away his pain, in fact, it likely adds more pain to it as when your cup is empty, you have nothing to give anyone else. On the other hand, strengthening yourself with more peace CAN and WILL not only lighten your burden, it will allow you to be the compassionate caretaker you want to be.
So make a commitment right now to stop believing thoughts that say “it’s wrong to feel good” or “I need to feel guilty.” When those thoughts pop up, and they will, remember the mantra “Peace is my birthright. I claim it now.”
Allow yourself to feel moments of joy: listen to the birds sing, feel the breeze, appreciate the sunrises and sunsets each day. Read uplifting books. Watch uplifting videos (I do this all the time when I’m feeling blue. I just go to YouTube and search for my favorite inspirational speakers. Here are a few of mine: Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Michael Bernard Beckwith, Ed Bacon, Oprah’s Super Soul Saturday program, and that’s just to name a few). By adding lightness and hope into your life, your perspective will change … and the energy and love you have to bring to the world and to your spouse will multiply.
As Victor Fankl (holocaust survivor) once said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Because the weight of your life is so heavy, you need to find a reprieve from your pain. New challenges may appear daily, but with every storm comes rainbows … so don’t forget to look for the rainbows. You NEED to bath yourself in positive energy. It won’t take the hard things that are happening away, but it will help you get through it with a little more love and lightness in your heart along the way.
Sending my love and prayers to you and your spouse, J. Marie
That poor lady… Her shit sounds wore than mine but even when I things do t I look that bad they can be.
I am tired of the live yourself mantras. I’ve ruined my life, and I, and me are the stupid idiots. But it’s not me it’s inflammation, I it’s irresponsible n medicos. I am torn into shreds by family conflicted a cruel partner and you Ll tell me e it’s my fault and it is.
It was not my fault again but you all say it is. I didn’t meditate enough, I did t gave a good bantam, I I didn’t love enough. When life throws the odd ball T you Its ok it’s not your fault, it’s capable but when you do it to yourself then it’s hell.
I’m tried. Struggling.
I lost my husband 8 years ago, my grandma 3 years ago.
I lost my mom, 1 years ago
Now… I lost my daughter. 518th of May well be a year.
I have to pay 2 funeral bills. One got sued. My mom’s. Im trying to hang on there. I’m close to giving up.. I have a son. He isn’t talking to me that much.. I’m so tried of the heartache in 8 years. Plus I had to put my dog down. That he was my late husband’s dog.. I lost one of my birds. When is everything I love. Get taken away from me???? I’m so tried
Melissa — you need someone to talk to you and you need that very quickly. I urge you to reach out to a trusted friend, clergy or therapist. Or, join and stick with a Grief support group. I suggest joining one where you actually show up and talk face to face with people. because you need that human connection.
In the meantime, though, there are are some online groups that you might check out as well. Here are two that I’m not familiar with, but I googled them and I think they might be worth checking out: Daily Strength Bereavement Support Group https://www.dailystrength.org/group/bereavement and Online Grief Support http://www.onlinegriefsupport.com/groups.
Melissa, PLEASE don’t give up. You’ve undergone FAR more than your fair share of your loss, and you need help coming back into the light. Two more suggestions if you don’t know anyone to turn to talk with right now (and neither will cost you anything): The Silent Unity Prayer hotline answers calls 24/7 — 1-800-699-7729. You don’t have to be a member of Unity to call, or even believe in their principles. You can call right now and they will listen to you and they will pray with you in a completely loving way. If things continue to feel desperate and you’re afraid you might do something — reach out to the suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255.
My heart goes out to you. You’ve had a lot of loss and it sounds like financial problems are a burden as well. That’s a lot for one person to take. Just know that just because you can’t see hope for your future, doesn’t mean there isn’t hope available to you. But you need support … and not the kind of support than anyone can offer sufficiently online in a text reply like this.
My prayers for healing and relief are with you tonight and will continue to be with you. Sending love, – J. Marie
Heavenly Father we come before your throne of Grace right now to show yourself once more. Comfort and restore all the loss dear Father.You sent your only Son for such reasons
You promised never to leave nor forsake us, kindly pardon us for sometimes forgetting that you created all. when Jesus prayed on John 17 he prayed for us that even if we in this world but we not of this world. Father this is a prayer in Faith asking for your Devine intervention right now into this situation in Jesus name turn this darkness into light once again. Be presently present in your presence.We your children crying to you our Father who never fails.All Glory and honour belongs to you. It is well in Jesus name Amen.
Rest in hope. Sing unto him. I have suffered so much loss and now I can boldly say my redeemer lives, he will do the same for you just surrender all unto him. He is knocking.